Page 45 Review by Stephen
Painfully but also painstakingly honest, diary-like stream of consciousness, as Schrag lays her senior-year soul bare. It flies all over the place and back again - in every given moment - in its search for the truth of her adolescent mind obsessed with sex and sexuality, before alighting as always on her primary obsession: her ex-girlfriend Sally who's now moved away. It's an intense and dense endurance test that does pay off, but you've just had your warning: she does go on. It's incredible value for money that will take several afternoons to read, and along with its predecessors AWKWARD AND DEFINITION then POTENTIAL, the trilogy has been lauded by THE COMICS JOURNAL as "One of the great achievements of contemporary comics".
One more warning: this is explicit. It's top-shelf material. Ariel masturbates incessantly, recalling or fantasing about graphic acts of sex with young women and men, but returning as always to Sally whom she cannot let go, but whose presence causes her such trauma that their meetings seldom go well. Rule number one, as far as I've always been concerned, is "Never ask questions you don't want to know the answers to" but Ariel cannot help herself, pressing Sally for the truth about the boys she's slept with - when and where and how many - and it always ends in tears. There's a meeting earlier on in a biology back-lab which young Schrag has been looking forward to with all her heart, but which turns out to be so awkward it's upsetting. Sally is fond of Ariel still, but so strong is the love Ariel holds for Sally that it cannot be requited, only destructive to any possible friendship. That's not me pointing fingers, it's me putting my hand up in recognition. Nor does Schrag point fingers except at herself, whether it's her self-absorption or her inability or refusal to edit her experiences to preserve the privacy of others, even when requested. Towards the end where there's a growing awareness amongst her friends that they're already appearing in her older comics (she was being published by Slave Labour) there are a number of instances recorded here where she promises stuff is off the record but obviously isn't. Sally in particular is far from eager to appear, but ends up as the central focus, and their reactions to what is published as it comes out is often as candid as its creator.
It's a fascinating document of a teenage life far more tormented than any I experienced, and I thought I was a fuck up back then. And the thing is, not once that I recall is Schrag tormented by others for being gay or anything else - she pays great tribute to the enormous support and encouragement she received from one teacher in particular - instead she's tormented by herself about everything. She simply thinks too much for her own peace of mind.
There's plenty to relate to, whether its self-image, self-esteem, love, lust, longing and the opportunity bus journeys afford for daydreams, and they're some great little details like twiddling with a carpet's tassles whilst on the phone. But it's just the sheer volume of hyperactive and convoluted self-evaluation recorded here, which she also attempts to articulate to friends and to family, that make this such a... well, a dense and intense read.
This isn't Alison Bechdel's FUN HOME (although she is a great fan). It's not a strictly structured and thematically disciplined work with a gentle art style which has proved so widely accessible and attractive to the average reader. The discipline here is the exact opposite: that everything must be told and in the way it was originally experienced regardless of how that reflects on its author or is reacted to by its audience. Neither is the boyish, cartoon and in places raw and scribbly artwork going to so easily appeal to so many. Even the object of Ariel's affections is drawn like a bug-eyed skull with black, flaming hair. But it is nonetheless an enormously powerful body of work like none other I've read. Or could easily do so again.
