Ryz Glover is Page 45’s Mistress of Myspace and Foxstress of Facebook, and even more of a lush than myself. She may not fall into fireplaces (I fall into fireplaces) but she tumbles down steps like nobody’s business, and although I have said hello to her sober, I’ve never said good-bye to her sober. She knew our Mark even longer than I did, working with him in Nottingham’s Virgin Megastore before I arrived, and I count her amongst my dearest friends. In Muppet terms, she’d be Animal’s ideal “Woman!” She’s also mine.

What’s your favourite place in the world? 

Well, I would say San Francisco, my spiritual home. My boyf would probably say ‘bed’ though!

What’s your favourite activity?

‘Activity’. Hmmm. If ‘wine-tasting’ doesn’t count, then I’ll go with ‘dancing’. What I lack in style, I make up for in enthusiasm and spectacle.

Recommend me a song I may not have heard!

The original version of No More I Love Yous by The Lover Speaks. Much better than the bollocks version Annie Lennox released – which has now been sampled into another travesty. Sheesh.

Recommend me a prose book I may not have read!

The Vinter’s Luck by Elizabeth Knox. If early 19th century French winemakers, angels and gay inter-species love is your bag, you’ll love this.

What’s your favourite poem?

I used to love Jabberwocky as a child and learned to recite it all. Altogether now:
“Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe…”
See ALICE IN SUNDERLAND.

Whom do you love?

My family, friends, boyf and cat. Not always in that order.

Whom do you despise?

Despise is such a strong word, but I would reserve it for Vera fucking Lynne. Don’t get me started on her.

What do you despise?

Celery is the devil’s work. Why would anyone put something with negative calorific value – that resembles balsa wood embedded with string, and that smells like that – in their mouths?? Eeeew.

Who makes you laugh?

Eddie Izzard, Stephen Fry, Q.I., boyf’s childish sense of humour (taping my breakfast to the ceiling, hiding & jumping out on me Kato-style), and our own Stephen falling into the fireplace after a few too many large wines

Whom do you admire?

Anyone who has ever said, “I can’t believe I get paid for doing something I love”, or “I had no idea how to run a business / renovate a house / bring a product to market, so I taught myself.”

Whom or what do you begrudge?

See above. Or anyone who beats me in pop quizzes.

Do you have any recurring dreams?

Oh yes. A variation on the teeth falling out dream, I often dream that my mouth is full of ‘matter’, stuck to my gums & teeth, which no matter how hard or much I pull it out, keeps regenerating again. It’s so real. And in the morning, my pillow’s gone.

What’s the wisest choice you ever made?

Kicking out 2 husbands and divorcing them both. And keeping the house and rings both times.

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

Getting married. Twice.

What do you most regret?

There was a brief period of ‘Feed The World’ T-shirts, mohawk hair, bowler hats and nightshirts as daywear in the mid-‘80s that I’d rather airbrush out of my photo albums.

What quality do you most admire in yourself?

My unfailing belief in the inherent goodness of people

Which qualities do you least admire in yourself?

Continually getting suckered by the shitbags of this world

Who has the best voice in the world?

When I’m drunk, clearly I believe it’s me on the SingStar karaoke. Stephen’s long-suffering neighbours do not agree with this. Philistines.

Who’s the best looker?

In direct contrast to my usual type of gruff ne’er-do-wells a la Ray Winstone, Ozzy Osbourne, Ollie Reed etc., I have to say the current boyf. £30 off the internet, he was. Bloody bargain.

What’s your favourite graphic novel?

Either WHY I HATE SATURN (Stephen’s “try this one for free” first recommendation which got me ensnared), STRANGERS IN PARADISE, LOST GIRLS (pure filth) or FROM HELL.

How would you like to be remembered?

I’d like to be remembered as “that fabulously talented singer, artist, lottery winner and philanthropist”. However, if I were to shuffle off this mortal coil right now, I’d just settle for anything mildly more positive than “a right old lush”.

What will you be doing next?

Considering breaking into the ‘strange liqueurs’ shelf, as I’ve inadvertently run out of wine! Aarrgghh – the torture!

Tell me a secret about life!

The more you chase stuff – happiness, wealth, love, people – the further away they get. Be still, be in the present, and enjoy or appreciate every moment as it happens. Whoah – pretty deep for me, that was!

Tell me a secret about yourself!

I can pleat my tongue. No, not roll it up, but pleat it. Please don’t ask how I discovered I could do this.