Stephen L. Holland was born before records began, then educated at Rock City. He has a degree in English Literature and the History Of Art about which he is suspiciously insistent on reminding people. He has been an artist, barman and drunk. We’re trying to get rid of him but it’s proving more difficult than we thought. Do bear with us.

What’s your favourite place in the world?
Page 45. Until 6pm, when it’s my fridge.

What’s your favourite activity?
Drinking with friends who allow me to smoke. Conversation, basically. Communication.

Recommend me a song I may not have heard!
‘A Million Manias’ by Marc & The Mambas.
Awesome contribution by Jim “Foetus” Thirwell. You’ll love the percussion!

Recommend me a prose book I may not have read!
‘Blood Waters’ by Chaz Brenchley, based on the sculpture trail you’ll see in Bryan Talbot’s ALICE IN SUNDERLAND. See Photograph Gallery.

What’s your favourite poem?
‘He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven’ by W.B. Yeats.

Whom do you love?
Paying customers.

Whom do you despise?
It’s really not worth it, is it? Though I am first in line to dance on Thatcher’s grave.

What do you despise?
Hatred or ignorance voiced with pride.

Who makes you laugh?
Dominique, Emily, Jhelisa, Ryz, Jonathan or Tom (especially when any of them are taking the piss out of me); Bill Bailey, Charlie Brooker, Eddie Izzard, Eddie Campbell and, of course, wee Hayley Campbell. Hayley Campbell may well be in possession of the quickest wit in the world.

Whom do you admire?
People who stand up for others and not just themselves. All my friends for being far better human beings than I. Mark Simpson for being the John Peel Of Comics and the best friend a boy could ever have wanted.

Whom or what do you begrudge?
Those with free time and holidays!

Do you have any recurring dreams?
Performing a play I haven’t even read, steps that are missing on stairs and my teeth all chewed out on the floor. The sharks have stopped circling, thankfully.

What’s the wisest choice you ever made?
Ditching organised religion – oh, and one particular boyfriend.

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?
Opening my mouth.

What do you most regret?
Not opening my mouth.

What quality do you most admire in yourself?
Not settling for second-best.

Which qualities do you least admire in yourself?
Procrastination when I know something definitely needs to be done – all in the vain hope that it doesn’t!

Who has the best voice in the world?
Billy MacKenzie R.I.P..

Who’s the best looker?
My Auntie Tish! Then Guy Pearce. Moira Stuart. John Taylor of Duran Duran. I’ve always been confused.

What’s your favourite graphic novel?
The ALEC OMNIBUS  by Eddie Campbell.

How would you like to be remembered?
For making the world a slightly better place than when I found it, and some of its inhabitants slightly happier.

What will you be doing next?
Climbing and then dive-bombing off Giotto’s Campanile in Rennaissance Florence. (Assassin’s Creed II)

Tell me a secret about life!
The key to happiness is recognising how lucky you are, then helping those less fortunate.

Tell me a secret about yourself!
I really do wake up quite often in my armchair with the PS3 still running!
That I’m a total disgrace isn’t really that much of a secret.